Have you ever shared your feelings with someone only to be told to "cheer up" or "look on the bright side"? Perhaps you've been struggling with difficult emotions and found yourself wondering if your feelings are valid or if you're overreacting. As a counsellor working with people online and from my practice in West London, Oxford and Cheltenham, I've seen how emotional validation can transform mental wellbeing and strengthen relationships.
Understanding Emotional Validation
Emotional validation is the process of recognising and accepting another person's feelings—or your own—without judgement. It doesn't mean agreeing with someone's perspective or approving of their actions; rather, it acknowledges that their emotional experience makes sense given their situation and perception.
Why Validation Matters
When our emotions are validated, we feel seen, heard, and understood. This creates a sense of connection and safety that allows us to process our feelings more effectively. Conversely, when our emotions are dismissed or minimised, we may feel isolated, confused, or that there's something wrong with us for feeling the way we do.
The Impact on Mental Health
Regular emotional validation can significantly improve mental health by reducing feelings of shame and isolation. It helps us develop greater self-awareness and emotional regulation skills. For those struggling with anxiety, depression, or past trauma, validation can be particularly healing, as it counteracts the self-doubt that often accompanies these conditions.
Validating Yourself and Others
Self-validation involves acknowledging your own feelings without judgement. This might sound like: "It makes sense that I feel anxious about this presentation given my past experiences" or "I'm allowed to feel disappointed even if others have it worse."
When validating others, simple phrases like "That sounds really difficult" or "I can understand why you'd feel that way" can make a profound difference. The key is to focus on understanding rather than fixing or advising.
Challenges to Validation
Many of us struggle with validation because we weren't validated ourselves growing up. We might fear that validating negative emotions will make them worse or believe that problem-solving is more helpful than emotional acknowledgement. With practice, however, validation becomes more natural.
Moving Forward
Learning to validate your own emotions and those of others is a skill that takes time to develop. Be patient with yourself as you practice, and remember that validation doesn't mean you have to stay stuck in difficult emotions—it simply creates the safe space needed to process them effectively.
If you're struggling with emotional validation or navigating complex feelings, I invite you to reach out to Hope and Harmony. Together, we can work on developing validation skills and building a healthier relationship with your emotions. You don't have to face these challenges alone.