Are you watching someone you care about struggle with depression? Perhaps you've noticed them withdrawing from activities they once enjoyed, or you're feeling helpless as they battle a persistent low mood. As a counsellor working with people online and from my practice in West London, Oxford and Cheltenham, I understand how challenging it can be to support someone with depression while taking care of your own wellbeing.
Understanding Depression from the Outside
Depression is more than just sadness—it's a complex condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and functions. Your loved one might experience persistent low mood, loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep or appetite, difficulty concentrating, or feelings of worthlessness. These symptoms aren't chosen or easily controlled, which is crucial to remember when offering support.
What Truly Helps
Being present and patient is one of the most valuable things you can offer. Depression often moves at its own pace, and recovery rarely follows a straight line. Simply sitting with your loved one, without pressure to "cheer up" or "get better quickly," communicates that you're there for them through the difficult moments.
Listening without judgment creates a safe space for your loved one to express how they're feeling. Rather than trying to fix the problem or offer solutions, validate their experiences and emotions. Phrases like "I'm here for you" or "I might not understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you" can be incredibly supportive.
Practical help can also make a significant difference. Depression can make everyday tasks feel overwhelming, so offering specific assistance—preparing a meal, helping with housework, or accompanying them to appointments—can provide tangible relief.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Well-intentioned comments like "just think positive" or "others have it worse" can inadvertently minimise your loved one's experience. Depression isn't a choice or a sign of weakness, and suggesting it can be overcome through willpower alone can increase feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
Avoid taking their symptoms personally. If your loved one withdraws or seems irritable, remember this is likely the depression speaking, not their true feelings toward you. Maintaining this perspective can help you remain supportive rather than reactive.
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Establish boundaries to protect your own mental health, and ensure you have your own support network. Remember that you cannot "fix" someone else's depression, no matter how much you care for them.
Professional Support Matters
Encourage your loved one to seek professional help, but do so gently and without pressure. You might offer to help them research options or accompany them to initial appointments. Sometimes, sharing information about counselling or suggesting resources can open the door to treatment.
If you're supporting someone with depression and finding it challenging, I'm here to help. At Hope and Harmony, we can explore strategies for supporting your loved one while maintaining your own wellbeing. Remember, seeking guidance isn't just beneficial for the person experiencing depression—it's valuable for those providing support as well.